Why They Didn't Meet
by GiantKiller 130
Summary: This was a silly story I wrote, that stemmed from a conversation about what would happen if Jill & Chris met Alice. It's also a parody on overly descriptive writing. ...and partially inspired by Superjail. Definately not one of my best pieces.


The muted thuds from heavy combat boots brought her back to consciousness, and it was then that she realized, she didn't remember anything. The boots stopped, and she sat up, slowly. She was in a bathroom, that much, she could figure. The shower curtain was draped around her otherwise naked body.

"It's just like the Spencer mansion…" She heard a male's voice say.

"At least it isn't as creepy. And none of those…. zombies." Another voice, this one, female, said.

"Still, best be on our guard. This place is supposed to be under tight security." The male said.

She climbed out of the shower and stood, putting on the bathrobe, and examining her own soft features in the dim bathroom light. The footsteps seemed to be moving in a different direction, so she slipped out of the shower, and into the bedroom, quickly dressing herself in the red cocktail dress that was left on the bed. After that was done, she explored the rest of the room, and it's contents, noting that everything with a name on it, had 'Alice'.

_So my name is Alice…_

The muted thudding interrupted her thoughts. The pair was coming back, and they were probably going to end up confronting her soon. She crept into the bathroom, and rummaged under the sink. There were some unopened house cleaners, and some other bathroom paraphernalia, and a blow-dryer. She took out the blow dryer, and plugged it in, and held it, much like a gun, and prayed they didn't come looking in there.

"You don't suppose they have dogs, do you?" Alice heard one of them—the male—say.

"I hope not. I still can't get the image of Joseph out my head. At night, I still can hear his voice on the wind." The female said. Alice could hear them entering the bedroom.

"There's a bathrobe here—a woman's… it's still warm, so perhaps someone is still here." The male said. Alice cursed herself mentally. Though she had hoped for the best, she prepared for the worst, and raised her blow dryer. There was a pregnant pause from the intruders, before one of them opened the door, and the other leaped inside.

One of the intruders was a tall and physically fit Caucasian male. He had an athletic build, with a naturally erect posture, and an air about him that he simply did not care for other's opinions and that his was what mattered. His face was set to that of a stern gaze. He had on a green tactical vest with a saw-toothed bowie knife, and a white t-shirt that had the S.T.A.R.S. Alpha team logo on the left sleeve. His jeans were a dark grey, with many pockets, and he had thick heavy combat boots on his feet. His knees had pads on them, and his hands had black fingerless gloves. He had assumed a classic shooter's stance, and had the gun aimed right at Alice, both amber eyes cold, and glaring.

His partner was a shorter Caucasian female. She was not as fit as her partner was, but she too wore a uniform of sorts. She had on a light blue shirt that, on the left side, depicted the S.T.A.R.S. logo as well. She wore blue shoulder pads, which helped to accentuate the curves of her body. She was lighter in complex than her male companion was, however and much more lean, built more like a thief, or someone skilled at a trade that required much dexterity. Her blue eyes held a secret, and her face revealed nothing of her emotions, her lips set to a small frown. She did not stand erect like her partner, but rather, her weight was shifted to one side, as if impatient; she had shoulder length brown hair that was partially hidden by a blue beret that was also marked with the S.T.A.R.S. logo. Her jeans too were grey, and like her partner, she was fitted with a pair of combat boots and fingerless gloves. She had a small side pack on her hip that had what appeared to be a single leaf from a green herb. She too held a shooter's stance.

"Identify yourselves." Alice said, but neither of two made any indication of wanting to say anything. The female's blue eyes blinked slowly, suggesting that she was not at all nervous.

"You're the security operative?" The male asked, his arms lowering. The female did the same, however Alice did not lower the blow dryer.

"…what?"

"Security. Placed here to stop us from entering?"

"...huh?" The male let out an exasperated sigh.

"Are you with Umbrella?"

"I--I don't know! Are you?"

"No... I'm Chris Redfield, and this is my partner, Jill Valentine. We're what's left of the S.T.A.R.S. Alpha team. If you're a survivor, you should stick with us." He said, offering a hand. Alice lowered her blow dryer and stepped over to them, taking Chris's hand. The female, Jill, raised a brow, but said nothing.

The three stepped out of the bathroom, Alice holding Chris's hand, Jill taking the rear, and of course, Chris always on step a head of Alice. As the three continued walking, a cold breeze waft over them, and Alice held on the Chris's arm. Chris couldn't help but grin.

"It's only the wind." He said to her, and she looked up at him, her eyes sparkling. Jill watched in horror as Chris's hand 'slipped' over Alice's bottom. Alice giggled.

_That bitch will pay... with interest._ Jill thought to herself.

Three hours of walking, and looking around, but the entrance of the labs ever eluded them. It didn't help that every time Jill was about to make an inquiry, Alice would speak and say something mushy to Chris. Chris was either an idiot, or he didn't want to notice, but he paid her no mind. Finally, it was all Jill could take.

"Do you know where the labs are, or not?"

"No, I don't." Alice responded, looking over at Jill.

"Maybe if you stopped flirting with my partner, he'd be thinking with the right head, and we could get the hell out of here already!" Jill said, angrily.

"Hey, what gives? You're not jealous, or anything are you?" Alice asked, in a playful manner.

Jill took out her gun. Alice let go of Chris, and backed up, her hands in the air.

"I'm sorry, please, don't shoot me!" She said, and looked over at Chris.

"Jill, calm down, please!" Chris implored, but she wasn't having it.

"You want to stay here, and make time with her, that's fine, but don't drag me along, to watch! You already know exactly what my problem is, Christopher Redfield! You don't even know a damn thing about this woman, and she doesn't know a damn thing herself."

"...my name is Alice. And I remember everything." She said, and without warning, she rushed at Jill, shoulder first. Jill was knocked back, and fell, sliding against the smooth floor. Alice took her foot, and her leg fell down hard, but Jill rolled out of the way, firing at Alice's leg. Alice felt the sharp pain--a shooting pain that reached up her leg, and she hobbled away from Jill, and Chris. But Jill wasn't finished. No. Really, she had only just begun.

Alice hobbled into the next room, and stood, holding her injured leg. She could hear Chris and Jill talking in the room behind her. The room she had stumbled into was a bedroom, similar to the one she found the dress in. There was a king sized bed, and paintings of a stern looking man that looked vaguely familiar.

"Is that a circular saw? Jill, where did you get that from?" The answer was too low for Alice to hear. Alice felt her pulse quicken. That Valentine bitch was crazy!

"Jill, calm down."

"No, FUCK you. I don't trust her, and I'm going to do to her what I should have done to Wesker!"

Alice heard the mechanical roar of the buzz saw and started limp running to the door on the other side of the room. She snatched at the knob, turning it and to her horror, the lock was broken. She just couldn't open it. She turned, he back to the door, and her eyes wide, when she saw Chris and Jill enter the room. Jill was revving the circular saw and coming at Alice, and Chris looked pretty grim.

"Jill, don't do it…" He said, but Jill swung the heavy saw at Alice. Alice rolled out of the way, and Jill's saw got stuck in the door.

"Oh, bull! What a cheap saw!" Jill said, as the roar died down to a hum. Alice breathed a sigh of relief, until Jill pulled out a drill. It was a battery operated, Phillips headed drill, and it whirred to life when Jill pressed the trigger. Without hesitation, Jill jammed the drill into Alice's already injured leg.

"Jill, no!" Chris cried. Alice screamed out in pain, and in fury, as she shoved Jill off her leg and pulled the drill out.

"You crazy bitch!" Alice cried, trying to crawl towards Chris. Chris backed up, and left out, closing the door behind him. Jill didn't respond to Alice's comment, and grabbed Alice by the good leg, dragging her backwards. Alice turned and got a good look at Jill's face. It was a darkened with a sick and crazed look. Her beret was crooked, and her teeth seemed sharp and pointed.

"I'm crazy? I'm not the one who forgot everything!" Jill said, and she dropped Alice's leg, and to retrieve the drill. Alice kicked her, square in the gut, and Jill flew back, into the door with the circular saw. The saw slid, and juts as Jill thought she was going to die, it 'jumped' out of the door, tearing across the floor in a frenzied way. It jerked left and right, cutting up everything in its path, without discrimination. Alice tried desperately to crawl away yet again, but the saw 'jumped' again this time up the spinal column. Alice let out a blood-curling scream as blood flew.

"No!!" She cried, and Jill watched in amazement, as the saw 'jumped' off her back at the base of her neck and back onto the floor, splitting her hand at the joint between her middle finger and ring finger. The saw continued on its destructive path, until it hit the door, and it stopped, turning on its side and sliding around uselessly.

Jill watched as Alice took in sharp breaths and cried, before arching her back, and the white bone showing sickly against the pink meat of her body. Her dress fell away, and she lay on the ground, twitching ever so slightly. A smile crept on Jill's face as she stood, and sauntered over to Alice's body.

"….sorry." Jill said, before stomping on Alice violently. When that ceased to amuse her, she grabbed the buzz saw again, and began to eviscerate her insides.

When Chris heard the buzzing dying down, he opened the door, and felt his stomach flip. Jill was standing there, her clothes and hands bloody, holding Alice's insides. Chris turned away and let his stomach settle, before looking over at his partner.

"What the hell Jill?! She's dead, you killed her! Why did you do it?!" Jill had not been looking at him, but only at the dead body in front of her. Jill's skin was pale, but she did not look over at Chris.

"Jill." He said, more forcefully, and she looked over at him, her lips lined with blood.

"……………Jill what the fuck?"

"….it's really good. You should try it."


End file.
